23 October 2019

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Posted by Adam on Mon 18 Jul 2005 @ 10:49:31

For the second time in the last two months, our neighbors have almost set the house on fire. In the tinderbox of San Francisco, especially in the rainless summer season, that means the whole block goes with it. It also explains why, after frantic knocking on the back door with pleas for a fire extinguisher, and the tossing of kettles of water into the smoke cloud on the ceiling, six firetrucks pulled up on the street. Fortunately, it hadn't really done much than generate a bunch of smoke and singe the molding around the window. The city's finest nonetheless smashed the windows and ripped out much of the celing with an axe, ensuring that the fire would not spread and that the neighbor could not possibly feel any more stupid.

Her excuse? She had been 'trimming the curtains with a lighter.' Enough said. Or not, as Peter and I have generated this list of analagous chores:

  • Pruning the roses with a shotgun.
  • Shining shoes with a zamboni.
  • Shaving your beard with a chainsaw.
  • Washing grandma's crystal with a firehose.

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© 2019 Adam Alexander Klaus